Thursday, March 25, 2010


I know I am so blessed but sometimes life can be hard. I know of so many other people who have it way harder than me but it's still hard, at least to me. Sometimes I just get a bunch of "why" questions running through my head. I'm so grateful I have Talmage. He cheers me up and lightens my moods. I love him and Jacob. They are such blessings in my life.

But, I still ache for another baby. I find myself still counting the weeks that I would've been pregnant. I'd be showing and in the second trimester. I know I shouldn't think of these things but it's hard not too.

It's so hard for me. It took us 12 months to get pregnant and now I have to start all over again. And my "why" questions start...

Why can't I just be normal?
Why can't I be fertile?
Why can a teenager get pregnant their first time but it takes me a year?
Why did I lose my baby?
Why is everyone pregnant but me?

I guess General Conference is coming at the perfect for me!


jenna♥devon said...

I question myself about things too and that is how its supposed to be! Satan wants us to lose our faith but don't! I always wonder if we will ever be able to get a house instead of living with our parents! haha but Just know that when you feel like you don't have things under control that Heavenly Father does and he knows what is best for you. He gives us these trials because they are specifically what we need to strengthen us. I hope that you do better!

Amber said...

I'm sorry Elle girl. I wonder why all the time too. Just remember that the dark times or trials in our lives are just as important and the lighter and cheery times which collectively weave the tapestry of our lives. The weaving of the two makes us the people we are. I love you Noelle!

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Danielle and Trenton said...

Noelle, I have been very inspired by your thoughts these past couple of days and I wanted to thank you for sharing them. My husband and I also just miscarried a baby and it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I just wanted to say thank you again for sharing your experience, it has helped me.

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